In: From life
Question for Carl Weisman
At the office, where I’m probably the only eligible bachelor, and where the lady of the moment is Amy, because of her very recent engagement to her live-in boyfriend, I’m often asked when I’m going to get married. My response, invariably, is, "If I’m lucky? Never."
Carl Weisman, author of So Why Have You Never Been Married?, answers the question of why bachelors (like myself) refuse to get married (particularly to women like you). As far as I’m concerned, he nails it–and makes me feel a hell of a lot more secure in my decision never to marry (or, at worst, to stay solo until I’m in my mid-thirties).
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single–and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage–but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
"This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don’t marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures."
[ ... ]
"It’s so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you’re in a hurry to get married you’ll be frustrated," he said.
That confirms my suspicion that most women marry simply for the sake of getting married. (If you’ll permit me a little more cynicism: that’s a nice way of saying they’re desperate.) I don’t believe love plays a large factor in marriage decisions. Moving on:
Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy.
"A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life," he said. "They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married."
Very, very true, at least for me. Unhappy? Not about being single, anyway. In fact, the biggest irony is how many married people actually discourage me from getting married. Male co-workers often tell me, "Don’t ever get married, Brandon. Stay single!" Even my mom discourages it, but that’s because she doesn’t think I’d ever be happy in a marriage. "You’re my son–I know you better than you know yourself. You don’t even want kids. And I just don’t think there’s a woman out there who could satisfy you."
I’m not sure if I should be depressed or happy about that.